i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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