yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
