watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
