he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We need to get me chipped asap
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