I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
