i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
