I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
