I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
