so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
