He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
