I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
