She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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