we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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