I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
