fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
