so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
