Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
