shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
