the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
