omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
