I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize