he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
