I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize