so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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