So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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