Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
