I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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