I am in a vortex of obligation.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
