grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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