you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
