I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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