I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
