he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
