I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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