just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
