I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
