reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
