ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
