a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
In America we eat man semen.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
