My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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