You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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