this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
