so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
