This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
