i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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