I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize