Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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