Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Randomize