Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
