i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
