Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i came on her dog
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
