she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
