some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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