is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
