thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
