they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
