shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
