Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
