if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
