but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
