Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need water and some morals
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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