she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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