Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
