Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I will be naked everywhere
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
