god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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