I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
