It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
