It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
