he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so let's talk penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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