if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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